The laundry situation.
Let’s just say it’s less than ideal.
In other news, I’ve decided to write a book. Below I will answer some imaginary questions from a hypothetical reporter about this decision.
—
Reporter: We heard you’re planning to write a book. Judging from your blog, Twitter, Facebook, Pinterest, and Instagram accounts, your book will be about cats? About how you’ve chosen to surround yourself with fuzzy adorable creatures that love you despite all of your faults? Does that sound accurate?
Me: First of all, lady, I have two cats. And yes, the book will probably be about them because they are AWESOME. So get off my back.
Reporter: Speaking of your back, we heard you’ve endured a lifelong struggle with ‘backne’?
Me: What kind of reporter are you?
Reporter: Please just answer the question, Ms. Luda.
Me: Yes, sometimes I get zits on my back. How is this relevant?
Reporter: Can you talk a little bit about that one time you got locked out of your house in your underwear after eating spoiled strawberries and didn’t have access to a toilet for several hours?
Me: No.
Reporter: Please?
Me: I think I might punch you.
—
There you have it, folks. You can start calling me Author Luda now. Title suggestions welcome!
May 19, 2012 6 Comments
Group chat PMS.
Beth: so Kristen, do you actually have PMS right now?
Me: Dude. I don’t know! Maybe?
Beth: because if you have PMS and Mo has PMS that means we are all fucking cycling together and WHAT THE HECK MAN
Me: I am going to start my period on Friday.
Moseph: That sounds like a goal.
Me: I honestly don’t know enough about PMS to know if I have it, but I feel like I could burst into tears at any moment and had a mini breakdown last night because I randomly decided all of my friends hate me.
Moseph: christ, luda
Moseph: that’s, like, so textbook pms it’s laughable. yes, i am laughing at your tears.
Me: I’m so scared.
(ten seconds pass)
Me: I have had so much coffee today. I need to relax.
(ten more seconds pass)
Me: HELLO? IS THIS THING ON?
Beth: I AM HERE BUT ON THE PHONE WITH ANOTHER DUMBASS
Beth: another, like in addition to ones I was previously on phone with
Beth: not another, like in addition to yous guys
Me: I’M NOT A DUMBASS.
Me: Oh.
Me: <redacted>
Beth: type faster.
Moseph: SHE MEANT ME, LUDA
Moseph: QUIT STEALING MY EVERYONE-HATES-
Moseph: i don’t understand why you are always competing with me, trying to make your life as crappy as mine. YOU WILL NEVER WIN.
Moseph: and i have ABOVE-AVERAGE susceptibility to BOTH kinds of leprosy
Moseph: ~polishes knuckles~
me: STOP BRAGGING.
May 17, 2012 11 Comments