Aw, Shucks

I apologize for the ensuing confusion.

OK. Fine. I’ll admit why I voted for Obama.

07 November 2012 by ludakristen

I hate to admit it, but all you crazy conservatives blabbing all over social media about our nation’s ‘travesty’ are actually correct. I voted for President Obama because:

1. I want to quit my job and mooch off the government. I don’t need to work hard when I can just go on welfare and make a few hundred dollars a month instead, right? That sounds like an awesome lifestyle.

2. I want to get dozens of abortions. No, hundreds! And I want the government to pay for all of them, because why not?

3. He’s black! And he’s cool! Isn’t it so cool that we have a black president? Racism is totally gone for good now!

4. I have a vagina, and therefore I’m not very good at math. I don’t even pay attention to the budget or the national debt or the economy because I am always on my period and my hormones are FUCKING INSANE.

5. I bought in to the lies propagated by the liberally-biased media. Unbeknownst to me, there is a vast conspiracy occurring, folks. If only I’d watched more Fox News leading up to the election, I would’ve known the truth.

6. I am all for Big Bloated Government. This was a tricky decision, though, and I had to ask myself: do I want my Big Bloated Government to help fund disaster relief efforts (like Hurricane Sandy, for example), or do I want my Big Bloated Government to get all up in my uterus while it tells me who I can (or can’t) marry?

7. I’m just a single-issue voter. I guess I neglected to take into account how this election would affect privileged wealthy straight white men? OOPS.

8. I hate God. I mean, I just can’t stand that guy.

HUGE SIGH OF RELIEF to finally get this all off my chest! It has been so fucking exhausting the past few weeks, pretending I actually know how to read and research facts and statistics and data about each candidate and make an informed and logical decision!

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2 comments | Categories: A Perfect World, Holla

  • http://www.facebook.com/maureen.gallagher.184 Maureen Gallagher

    i love you!!

  • Mare

    This made my day.