Aw, Shucks

I apologize for the ensuing confusion.

The 2012 wrap up.

31 December 2012 by ludakristen

“It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to Heaven, we were all going direct the other way…”

I think Charles Dickens pretty much nailed it, except he was talking about poor people in France and rich people in London (I think? I don’t know. I hated that book, man.) and I’m just talking about me and Sean and my cats and some other world events, too, that affected me.

It was the age of wisdom: I learned some stuff this year. I learned that it’s not super easy to live with somebody you love, because maybe he wants to leave a glass on the bathroom sink at all times and you don’t like the idea of there being a glass on the bathroom sink at all times because it looks cluttered and what if the cats knock the glass onto the floor and you step on the shards of glass in the middle of the night and slice off your pinky toe like in Die Hard? But finally you realize that it does kinda make sense to have a glass on the bathroom sink because it’s convenient for a refreshing post-teeth-brushing sip of water or when you need to take your birth control pills so you don’t get pregnant and have to live with this glass-on-the-bathroom-sink-asshole forever, you know? See that? I’M LEARNING WISDOM HERE.

It was the age of foolishness: Quit smoking twice. Started smoking twice. I mean, third time’s a charm? Right?

It was the epoch of belief: A whole lot of people decided they didn’t like the way certain Republicans felt about the rights of certain genders and so these certain Republicans were not voted into certain positions of power. Hey there, democracy. You’re alright sometimes.

It was the epoch of incredulity: The Sandy Hook Elementary School shooting left 20 children and 8 adults dead. I still can’t believe it.

It was the season of Light: My family and I got the hell out of gray, cloudy Ohio and went to sunny North Carolina for a whole week in August. We laid on the beach and went boogie boarding and deep sea fishing and Sean gloriously fought the waves like the warrior he is. It was awesome.

It was the season of Darkness: One of Sean’s best friends, Bradey Weaver, died in a motorcycle accident.

The truck driver accused of hitting him was recently tracked down and arrested.

It was the spring of hope: We bought a fancy new couch. I know. It’s just a couch, right? BUT NO. IT IS NOT JUST A FUCKING COUCH. It’s a) the best couch ever constructed of all time and 2) it’s a really big purchase for two people who aren’t even married and oh god, if we break up, who gets the couch (me, obviously)? What I’m saying is, if our relationship ever goes south, this couch will keep us together. Our relationship won’t go south, though. Shit, am I jinxing our relationship right now?

It was the winter of despair: Years and years and years ago, I was 12 years old. My sisters and I decided we wanted a puppy, as kids are wont to do, so we navigated the internet successfully enough to discover a Boxer breeder nearby had a newborn litter that needed adopting. The catch(es): we needed to come up with $600 and we needed to convince our parents we were responsible enough for a second dog. After pleading and crying and begging and pleading some more, Dad finally said, “If you girls can come up with the money, we’ll get one of the puppies.”

The next day, we dragged a really ridiculously heavy table all the way out to the main road near our house and started selling our beloved Beanie Babies. Remember Beanie Babies? People were fucking crazy about Beanie Babies. They were sold out everywhere, and WE MADE BANK. Seriously, we had $600 in no time at all. I told you: people were fucking crazy about Beanie Babies.

I’m telling you all of this to make you cry, because we ended up with the best Boxer puppy in the whole world named Tucker. He died this past year, but he lived a very long and happy life with a family that adored the hell out of him. Toward the end, his body was just kind of falling apart and he had this extraneous flap of skin on his belly that looked an awful lot like a low-hanging extra nipple, so everybody thought he was a girl. Ha. Dying with dignity. I miss him.

We had everything before us: We do. We have everything before us. Some day, we’ll be rich and living in a fancy big house and we’ll have an adorable new puppy of our own who will undoubtedly terrorize our cats and we’ll film it with our smartphones and put it on YouTube and become internet celebrities! Or we’ll move out to a big old farmhouse with lots of character in the country and milk cows and ride horses and occasionally a chicken will find its way inside and Sean will chase it out with a broom. I mean, our lives are definitely going to be awesome, no matter what.

We had nothing before us: I know I’ll look back at this time in my life fondly. I already do. I’ll remember how we get home after buying groceries to our compact-sized kitchen and step on cats and swear and yell and laugh and try and fill our cupboards with healthy food even though we both know we’ll be making a late-night trip to Dairy Queen right before it closes. I’ll never have 2012 back.

I hope you had a terrific year. I really do, even if I’ve never met you and you lurk around my blog, reading but never commenting, you weirdo. I hope you had a truly wonderful 2012, and I wish you all the best in 2013. Happy new year, folks.

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13 comments | Categories: A Perfect World

Comments (13)

  1. I didn’t want to be considered a weirdo! :) Great post. Have a wonderful 2013!

  2. I hope you get paid for incorporating boogie board into this post, however you DID use it as a verb instead of an adjective ;) I’m glad that we started working together this year! Happy new year Kristen!

  3. Weirdo shout out? Here… :)

  4. Really great little ode to Tuckish. I do miss the hell out of him and I don’t think I will ever have another like him. He was our stinky little brother who looked out for us and tagged along wherever we went, and got pissed when we left him behind somewhere.

  5. This was sweet. I mean actually sweet, not not early 2000′s way of saying cool.
    And I am no longer a weirdo!

  6. I really loved this. I wanted to say thanks for counting 28 at Sandy Hook instead of 26.

  7. This is the most well-constructed review ever. Damn. I feel so inferior.

  8. Aw. I love boxer dogs. What a year it has been for you. Best wishes for 2013.

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