Aw, shucks.

Kristen does life stuff, sometimes writes about it.


07 February 2013 by ludakristen


So there’s this king, right? And he’s married to a queen. They’re a team, and they have a whole bunch of little lesser-thans protecting them at every turn. They have some bishops, some rooks, some knights, some pawns. These lesser-thans are so devoted to their king and queen that they are willing to die for them. The whole scenario is very dramatic and intense.

There’s also this other king, right there across the way. He’s married to a queen, too, and he has his own legion of peons willing to die for him.

Obviously, one of the kings must fall.

The kings themselves aren’t especially wonderful. They’re not very smart or intuitive, and they’re slow as shit. They’re essentially sitting ducks, relying on others to hoist them to victory.

The little pawns aren’t too intelligent, either. Narrow-minded, some might say, committed only to moving forward but never, ever back.

The rooks, bishops and knights are pretty clever, but even they are no match for the powerful queens. If this battle was taking place in a book report, the queens would be listed dutifully as examples of round characters while the rest would be designated flat.

So the battle begins. There is bloodshed. The pawns go first, picked off one by one like squashed blueberries. The queens zip around the battlefield with unmatched dexterity and competence, slitting the throats of lowly knights and rooks and bishops. The kings hang back, as they should, as they’ve been taught their entire lives, watching solemnly as the others die for their sins.

It’s nearing the end. Both kings dodge the onslaught slowly, defensively, watching as their wives expertly zero in on the others’ husband. But then one of the queens, lacking the support she needs, makes a grave error. Now it’s come down to this: her life or her king’s. She makes one last flailing attempt to protect him, but she finally, mournfully, succumbs. She is taken, fighting and clawing and screaming the whole way down.

Her king is left helpless to fight on his own. He resigns peacefully, saving his own skin.


I am participating in a month-long writing challenge during February, so you lucky bastards get to enjoy a daily post until the end of the month! 


1 comment | Categories: Betty Motherfucking Cooper, Vagina!

One Comment

  1. This is great. As I was reading it, I saw the battle in my head, almost animated. Great job,